By Yu Seo,
Three years have passed since Satsuki and Minato, who are in their 30s and live in the Chugoku region of western Japan, agreed to enter into a nonsexual "friendship marriage."
The matrimony of the two, who in a recent interview used pseudonyms when sharing their life-changing decision, was deliberate and different from a marriage arrangement done to obtain a visa, for example.
But Satsuki and Minato are just one of a growing number of couples who see practical advantages to friendship marriages due in part to preferential treatment with social security benefits. Many of them choose to do so despite it contradicting their sexual orientation.
A Tokyo-based marriage agency, which connects people wishing to enter into such arrangements, has seen over 300 friendship marriages in the past decade. The case of Satsuki and Minato provides one example of a couples' decision to choose a life partner with whom they have no romantic feelings or sexual desire.
Satsuki, Minato's wife, dates women and is not attracted to men. Her mother, who has no idea of her daughter's sexual orientation, used to urge her to get married whenever they would see each other.
Satsuki says "The Full-Time Wife Escapist," a TV drama series aired in 2016 on Japan's TBS, introduced her to the idea of viewing married couples as an "employer-employee," contractual relationship, opening her mind to marriage not based on sex or love.
Minato, on the other hand, views women romantically but is only sexually attracted to men. He had enjoyed spending time alone, but when his father told him "it's about time we see some grandchildren," a friendship marriage became a wise option.
In 2019, the pair met in an online forum dedicated to friendship marriage applicants.
After confirming that they had similar core values, they moved in together and met each other's parents before registering their marriage in November 2021.
Two years later, Satsuki gave birth to a child using the "syringe method" fertility treatment. "Adorable," the couple says when speaking of their child.
Both Satsuki and Minato admit to not being "each other's type." Intimate contact is nonexistent, but they do things as a family unit, such as socializing with friends.
Satsuki describes her partner as "a not-too-close cousin." Minato says of her with a laugh, "We are comrades-in-arms who live together." Neither of their parents know the nature of their relationship.
At Colorus Friendship Marriage, an agency established in Tokyo in 2015, 316 couples had entered into such unions over 10 years through February this year.
About 80 percent of male members are sexually attracted to men, while more than 90 percent of females are not sexually drawn to either men or women. Their sexuality is a personal and diverse aspect of who they are, says Colorus representative director Arisa Nakamura, 40.
However, according to Nakamura, the reasons given for entering into friendship marriages are not special, but include what one might expect, such as "wanting a life partner" or "giving their parents peace of mind."
"We offer an option to those who cannot fall in love or have sex with the opposite gender," Nakamura said.
Hiroyuki Kubota, a professor of family sociology at Nihon University, says that although diverse values are spreading in Japan, same-sex marriage not being recognized means the socially accepted belief that "men and women should marry and have children" is still predominant.
In some respects, he says, friendship marriages are a "desperate measure" with added practical rewards of social security benefits.
Although love marriages may evoke images of undying romance, it is not uncommon for such couples to gradually become closer as life and child-rearing partners as time goes by.
A 2024 survey of married couples by the Japan Family Planning Association revealed that over 60 percent of respondents were in sexless marriages, defined as having sex less than once a month, a trend that has been steadily increasing.
Couples may move on to more practical matters once the romance has died, Kubota suggested. "If this is the case, then there should be couples who enter into marriage as 'partners in life' from the very beginning."
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